Talking to our partners about our sexual desires can be tough, especially when you just barely admitted them to yourself. Or maybe its just the topic of sex that’s difficult. So, you didn’t grow up in a sex positive household. Lets be honest, most of us didn’t even hear that term until right now. Talking to other people about sex can seem impossible. It’s embarrassing, right? Only because we grew up believing it was embarrassing.
We learned last time that our ego interferes with our progress because the ego thinks it’s keeping us in a safe comfortable space. Thanks Ego, I need you to get out of my way now because I’m tired of the way things are. It’s time to acknowledge the things your ego has helped you with and move it aside in the name of growth and progress! Once you’ve mustarded up enough courage to let your partner know you’re interested in having a conversation about sex, it’s time to get the conversation going.
Once you’ve successfully completed the steps from Lets Talk About Sex Part II, you should now have a better idea of what you like and don’t like about sex, sexuality, and intimacy. It is vital that you are clear with yourself about this. You can NOT have a conversation with your partner without being clear first. So how do you start the conversation? Easy PEASY!
“I did some self-discovery the other day and learned a few things about myself I want to share with you”
Now that you’ve peaked your partners interest it’s time to talk about sex baby. Keep in mind your partner has not yet done the self-discovery step yet, so you’re ahead and need to show patience towards your partner.
There is a variety of topics that will be discussed here. Maybe you gained clarity as to why you experience pain during sex, or you have a fantasy you masturbate to and you want to share it with your partner, or you’ve just had major surgery and you don’t feel like a man or woman anymore. The topics are endless and you’re not alone. No matter the topic, I encourage you to start the conversation by explaining the exercise you did that helped you achieve your clarity. And ask your partner if they would do it too. Or maybe they already have clarity and never thought to bring it up. Either case, now is the time.
As you both sit with each other and stir in the uncomfortable awkwardness of silence, you may hear your ego encouraging you to keep your mouth shut. Remember, that ego of yours wants everything to stay exactly the same. You’re going to get through the uncomfortable awkwardness of silence and be present and vulnerable with your partner. This is the vary essence of intimacy, and its sexy as hell!
Let your partner know what you discovered using only “I and me”. And feel free to communicate your vulnerability to your partner. “I’m nervous to share this with you because it goes against what I’ve been taught” or “I’m nervous to share this with you because we’ve never talked like this before”. Whatever feels right to you, but communicate it to your partner and then share your discovery.
After your partner reciprocates, which might be during this conversation or at another time in the future, the FUN gets to begin. If you need help to facilitate this conversation with your partner, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am here for you!