Getting in the mood when you just don’t want to

Many of my readers have found themselves in positions where sex is on the mind but the act of it sounds less than desirable. This is a precarious position to be in, especially when part of you is saying “Man, I wish I wanted sex” while the other part of you is saying “I have no desire to have sex.”

This is a vicious cycle many of us find ourselves in from time to time, and some of you may find yourself here all the time. Maybe you have sex with your partner just to appease them, or maybe you’ve convinced them that neither of you need it. If you don’t use it, you LOSE IT! Sort of…

Muscles will atrophy. What does that mean? If you don’t use your muscles they will start to deteriorate and eventually not function without some serious physical therapy. Yikes! Let’s not even go there right now.

Your body chemistry is playing tricks on your mind to get you to think  you don’t desire sex, and if we allow it, that trick will work. Don’t get played. The benefits of sex are profound and have an impact on our daily lives; our productivity and our mood, which then impacts our relationships with our partners, our children, our co-workers and so on.

When you find yourself in this precarious position, it’s time to switch things up. Things to rev up the desire:

  1. Sext with your partner. Get down right dirty and pay attention to how your body responds.
  2. No kids at home? Decide to make dinner with only an apron on and surprise your partner.
  3. Your partner have a penis? Give that penis a good suck before it heads off to work and watch your partner glow.
  4. Sign up for a tantric informed workshop (every 3rd Wednesday at 5:45pm pst) with me.
  5. Take a shower together and wash each others bodies without the expectation of intercourse.
  6. Hire a maid for a one time cleaning so there is nothing to take you away from being in the moment with your partner.
  7. Role play with your partner. Bump into each other at a local market and go on a first date (again).

The point here is to rediscover what it’s going to take to get your body to respond. Let’s be real, shit is different now than it was before and you can’t expect the same things to work. The challenge is discovering again, but have fun with it. Acknowledge that sex isn’t the same, and go on the journey to rediscovering what turns you on.


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