I keep having this conversation in my head about my goals and expectations, and this little voice comes in and says, “GET REAL” and in a moment my thoughts go sideways. Negative self-talk is a serious BITCH and it’s time to put a stop to it. Enough is enough. I know what I’m capable of even if others doubt me. I know the impact I can have on others, even if others don’t see it yet. I know who I am, and no amount of negative self-talk is going to distract me from my goal and my purpose. ENOUGH!
When I think about what I’m scared of, or why I haven’t been able to crack the surface yet, my subconscious decides to have an opinion and it’s usually not pretty or nice. The strange thing that happens, is I know completely and fully that it’s negative self-talk and its bullshit, yet here I am allowing it to have an opinion on my life.
“NOT TODAY, Satan!”
Here’s the problem. I need to spend time listening to the opinions of my subconscious so I can figure out what the real issue is. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone (this usually happens to me with my kids), and you discover the reason they had a fit in the first place has nothing to do with the thing that caused the fit, but some underlying issue? Here’s an example. I wanted to treat my 11-year-old for being such a good human and helping around the house as much as he does. I have an extra TV and DVD player laying around and thought he’d love to have that in his room, so I said, “Hey kiddo, I gotta surprise for you. Today we’re going to put the extra TV and DVD player in your room, so I need you to clear off your desk.” Honestly, I wasn’t even thinking, so to my surprise he says, “umm, I don’t want the TV in my room.” What? an 11-year-old doesn’t want a TV in his room; besides the fact I swore I’d never put TVs in my kid’s rooms. I asked him why not and he had no idea. At least, he didn’t have an idea that he could articulate. And when I was watching him, I saw how emotional it was making him and that’s when I realized. “Are you afraid if there’s a TV in your room you won’t ever be able to come into my room and watch TV with me?” I had momentarily forgotten how social my son is, he hated playing in his room alone, he always asked if he could bring his toys out because he wanted to be where the people are. My 3-year-old is not at all like this. He will play in his room, and I’ll actually forget he’s here.
“Yeah!” he cried. I assured him that wouldn’t change, but now he’d have access to watch movies he wanted to watch without having to fight for a TV, but that wasn’t enough for him. He was so upset that he would always be alone and wanted nothing to do with it, so I suggested another way to look at it. “Well, if we put it in your room then maybe the baby and I can watch movies in your room and then when it’s time for bed we can leave, and you can keep watching it.” That got him thinking, but he still didn’t want to take the chance of being alone. Needless to say, the TV and DVD player are still in my garage collecting dust, I believe he needs some time to process the idea. I planted a seed; he needs to nurture it.
The point here is that sometimes it’s not what you think, and that’s why listening to the negative self-talk to see what it actually has to say can be a good thing, because maybe that subconscious mind of yours hasn’t figured out an alternate possibility. Don’t succumb to the negative self-talk, just listen to it from an observer perspective, without all the judgment of being or feeling wrong for hearing what that part of your mind has to say. I bet you’ll learn a thing or two about yourself.
Steps to combat negative self-talk:
- Listen to what is being said from an observer perspective.
- Ask yourself if those things are true today or not.
- If you believe they are, your job is to find proof that those thoughts are wrong.
- What motivated you to do the thing in the first place? Is it worth giving up on because some part of your brain is trying REALLY FUCKING HARD to keep you exactly where you are?
- Decide to keep moving anyways!