When starting a journey of self-discovery and purpose and passion and intimate connections we often think if we’re not happy or high viben all the time we’re doing something wrong. Note to reader: It is impossible to be happy and high viben all the time. You can try to fake it but it’s counterproductive; so, don’t try. What needs to happen is to sit in the feelings and figure out what those feelings are all about. Why are you having them? What brought them on? This process can be frustrating and long, and annoying. But truth be told, it’s really the only way to understand what’s happening.
For example, today is a Friday. This week has been a little strange but by and large ok. I managed to bob and weave my way around and felt pretty good about it all, until today, this moment right now. I feel…. sad… and… heavy… and sad. Mostly sad. Sad because I feel like I’m losing one of my dearest friends, sad because I’m fighting for my family with a person that isn’t easy to communicate with, sad because I feel like I’m failing, sad because it doesn’t seem like the big picture is coming together like I’d hoped. I have an important meeting this afternoon and I believe it is in my best interest to put my best foot forward which means all this sad sack bullshit needs to be handled by then.
So, how do you handle it when you feel like the world is caving in on you? Cry, for one. Shake and jump around to let the energy bottled up inside out. Remember there is something to be learned in it all and to be still so that you can find out what it is. Distractions are the hardest thing to deal with when you’re trying to figure this all out. My dog has been pushing every last button I have this week; my son is home from his dad’s, and I need a fucking minute to figure this all out.
It’s pretty incredible, even now how much love I feel coming off of me. I have so much to give and so much to offer and that love is exploding from my heart. It’s an interesting feeling when simultaneously I could cry uncontrollably at any second. This is what self-intimacy looks like; getting really personal with your own feelings and emotions and allowing them to exist even when you don’t completely understand. Intimacy shows up in our lives in all sorts of ways and today it’s demanding I pay attention.
First order of business, intentional stillness (aka meditate). Second, cry if I need to. Third, LOVE… myself, my children, my dearest friend, my sons father, my dog, and my life, because the truth is, it is a spectacular life.